Though I am a visual artist, I love penning words to paper. In every class, meeting or speaking event I attend I am the one sitting near the front voraciously taking notes, while I draw & shade. I typically do so in this sketchbook & most of the drawings are actually lyrics or phrases that speak to me. I tediously shade in colored ink, while my mind processes & digests what I am hearing. I am also an avid journaller. As Sarah ban Breathnach says, it is a way to quiet myself & clear my mind of "the continuous conversations I carry on within myself". When I write to God, my prayers become more tangibly focused & deliberate. It is a way for me to wrestle & reflect upon where I have been, where I am, & where I might be going. Rereading over my thoughts after days, weeks or months, I find a new perspective. But words can be too specific at times...not broad enough. Sometimes I want simply the gist of the thought or feeling, & sometimes I simply have no words.
This rendering is very different from most of my work & I think of it as "visual processing" or "journalling aloud". It was never intended to be shown to even those closest to me. It was formed from 3, partial & distinct memory pictures I have carried with me for several years. Though I knew who & where, I had no understanding of why. Feeling restless & creative one morning, I pulled out these old, "soul images". Focusing first on shape, I compiled them into a single picture. I worked the better part of the weekend building layer upon layer of colored pencil. It is deep & muddy as whatever unknown thoughts or feelings with which I wrestled. There isn't one area of a single hue. Over the course of 2 days memories & hurts began to slip into my conscious thought. By the time this was complete, I was able to identify & write about some unresolved hurts & anger. I was also able to grieve a loss, put something behind me, let go, heal & move forward. Pretty cool process, actually !
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